The Life of a Linkboy

Light Sources, In General

  • Light illuminates 30' for however many people it can accommodate. Others can see but not much else. 
  • The holder of the light chooses who benefits from it, this must include themselves.
  • Anyone not illuminated suffers -2 (-6 if there is no light whatsoever) to do anything that requires eyesight.


  • Provides light for one person
  • Lasts for half a session
  • Easily extinguished. 1 in 2 chance at the GM's discretion
  • Possibility to wear it on your hat. Very likely to go out at important junctures.


  • Provides light for two people
  • Lasts for half a session
  • Moderately hard to extinguish. If dropped it will go out on a 1 in 3, otherwise continues to provide light.


  • Provides light for three people
  • Lasts for a whole session
  • Very difficult to extinguish. 
  • Must be carefully placed down at the start of a fight. If dropped it may smash (4 in 6) and start a small fire, thus continuing to give light until the end of the drop-causing incident. The enthusiasm of the fire is down to the GM and general logic. Lantern oil isn't napalm (to be written on the character sheet of every player).


  • They will carry a light source, which you will provide
  • They will not do anything else, unless it aids in keeping them out of harms way.
  • If they are taken into harm's way they will require double pay
  • If they get injured, pass a morale test or they decide it isn't worth it and go home, taking the light with them
  • They do not count themselves for determining how many people are illuminated. They are very good at their job.

How to be an adventurer

Everyone is an Adventurer, if you wanted to be a wizard or specialist you should have stayed in school.

All saving throws start at 16

Level gain works off the XP needed for a fighter
Each level you can pick either fighting, learning, or cunning

If you pick fighting you get +1 attack modifier, D8 HP and -1 Poison & Breath saves with an additional point anywhere you like (this could be used to double up poison or breath)

If you pick learning you get 2 skill points, D6 HP, and 4 points deducted from saves of your choice

If you pick cunning you get D6 HP, -2 to saves of your choice and 3 random spells from any level

Casting spells:

No more memorisation, you know all the spells you know.
To cast a spell, lose maximum HP equal to the spell's level. Maximum as in off the top, not the total. You total HP will reduce if you max HP drops below it. (this prevents just healing yourself to ignore the difficulty of magic and also allows magic users to not stop casting spell from fear of killing themselves)
If a spell would be unavailable to a magic user of your level (according to default Lamentations rules) it costs double. Example: A level 4 character casting a level 3 spell (not normally available until level 5) would lose 6 max HP when casting it
You max HP recover after 8 hours rest

Learning spells:

The only way to learn a spell is to level up. However if you have found a spell book or scroll of a particular spell then you may pick that one instead of a single random choice. This represents you having spent time learning it.
In the meantime you are still able to duplicate it and do everything except cast it off the cuff.

Entirely and objectively right advice for all occasions

Invented names are worse than real names
Cynicism is not interesting
Write lots, cut back
System doesn't matter
Neither does what other people think (it does)

Get paid
Settle for less
Take what you can get and
don't be humble (nothing is as annoying as humility in victory)

Sometimes the bad days are more common than good

Use every part of the animal
Rape is an appropriate topic for games
Politics is not an appropriate topic for conversation

Real religion is stranger and more interesting than D&D religion

And more horrible, and more real
Be brave
And sometimes the bad days are more common than the good

Do too much
Lay the track as you go
Nothing drives as well as a crash

Don't whine
Say thank you
Thank people
Thank them in private
Argue in private

Be generous
Save your spite
Save vs. Death
Kill one to make an example for the rest

Read everything
Game everything
FATAL wasn't wrong, it was just bad

Don't please the crowd
Please yourself
(sometimes the bad days are more common than the good)

You don't have to be loud
Or outgoing
Or inclusive
Be kind (everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle)
Steal everything

Copyright laws are for wimps and Americans
Imitate what you like
Pretend you know what you're doing
Don't talk about projects until they're worth showing

Don't talk, do things
Don't worship people
Don't be a lackey, don't have lackeys
Have some restraint
and the bad days are more common than the good

I keep making tables, send help.

To save my players some time I put together a very basic character roller, including the list of starting items I love so much.

Generate a guy.

The items have been written by me, stolen from Dungeon Dozen, stolen from other starting item lists, and generally stolen.

EDIT: Was brought to my attention that showing the table might be useful. Assume none of it's mine, if in doubt. The wonky sub-table was how I started adding past 100

100 Random item starter list for beginning characters.

  1. Grandfather's broadsword, plain but quality. Engraved on it are the names of his dead comrades.
  2. A locket containing a tiny portrait of your dear mother.
  3. A scalped beard
  4. d6 gold pieces stitched into your clothing.
  5. A healing ointment of your mother’s, heals 2hp per application. Four applications.
  6. A sock full copper bits (2d12).
  7. A small, white and friendly kitten with glowing eyes. The kitten will follow the party everywhere; if it is killed, the next night there are two kittens.
  8. A certificate for 168 GP if presented to the Gold Citadel.
  9. A pair of well worn thumbscrews.
  10. A rusted shut prayer book to Vorn.
  11. Small tin of black lotus powder (d6 doses, the cheap knock-off variety that still gets you high but tends to kill repeat users)
  12. A genuine treasure map (5% chance of being real).
  13. Empiric phrasebook. Containing such common necessities as “You child of a long dead sow” and “Death to the Invincible Overlord!”.
  14. Two men-at-arms. Father paid for six months service up front. Armed with Chainmail, shield, and spear.
  15. There is small wrinkled conjoined twin somewhere on your body. It’s asleep most of time, but it has one peculiar power it can use once a day, if you wake it up and ask it nicely.
  16. Cosmopolitan Cruin: henchman who knows one language unknown to adventurers.
  17. A tunnel dog, loyal and well trained. A gift from "Uncle Guorgi".
  18. At least half your body is covered in tattoos. These move and frolic about when no one is looking. THEY GUIDE YOU +2 wis.
  19. Book of rare poetry. Prized by manticores.
  20. Vial of unholy water.
  21. A mechanical Goblin Key that'll lock any door.
  22. A lucky Hand of Glory necklace (pickled hanged man’s hand on a rope)
  23. Ancient cube of gold, quite encumbering, 50% chance of being lead with thinnest veneer of gold foil
  24. Gems encased in blobs of lead for safe keeping (a troll practice).
  25. Damage-proof scroll case carved of leviathan ivory.
  26. Ornate ceramic vessel with cork stopper, decorated w/scenes considered quite erotic by certain folks, contains one gallon refined mineral oil, extra slippery.
  27. Small leather bag with embroidered mushroom insignia: weird loam within produces a new super-nutritious fungal lobe each day if kept moist, stinks though.
  28. Keepsake box containing set of pointy baby teeth dipped in bronze.
  29. Musical instrument of shining brass, obviously designed to be played by creature with multiple mouths, scads of digits.
  30. Giant-size coat of exquisite chinchilla-like fur, marred slightly by smear of indelible ink on massive sleeve.
  31. An ivory dildo.
  32. Hermetically sealed box containing chunk of rubbery troll flesh eager to remake itself once exposed to air.
  33. Chest full of theatrical costumes.
  34. Father's old round shield.
  35. Corgo the Cognizant: able to remember important detail forgotten by adventurers. (Once per game)
  36. A bundle of letters to be delivered.
  37. Leprosy. You don’t feel much pain but are never sure when something has fallen off. +2 con but your HP is secret and the GM won’t tell you how injured you are until it’s too late.
  38. The Tale of the Nymph and the Acolyte, bawdily illustrated.
  39. Recipe for preparing a seven course meal using the components of a single monster (randomly determined) for all dishes.
  40. A trolls hand mounted on a three foot rod. It will grasp objects, or make a fist. commands, grabit, leggo, fist. You found it in the Forrest gripping a tree branch.
  41. A bestiary, allows the player to ask one question of the DM about any creature listed in the monster manual, fiend folio, or monster manual II, during the game.
  42. Munn the torchbearer/unemployed cartographer.
  43. A long stem pipe and bag of white lotus powder.
  44. Ten or twelve sentences translated from your language into another random language, with phonetic spelling for the latter. "Surrender or die!" and "Where's the treasure?" top the list. 33% chance inaccurate.
  45. Small vial of cerebrospinal fluid of the mind-bat: imparts random knowledge following short pleasurable coma. D3 uses.
  46. Envelope of black mold spores: snorted for hours-long laughing jags, long term users identifiable by tell-tale nasal staining. D3 uses.
  47. Jar of skin secretions of the blind cave frog: dilute with brandy for an interesting buzz. D6 uses.
  48. Jar of pickled polychromatic fungi: mild hallucinogen, enables user to see in the dark. D3 uses.
  49. A travel sewing kit. Compact but comprehensive.
  50. A full face mask.
  51. Keen-eyed Kruun: more likely than average to spot objects of value.
  52. Wheel of gray cheese: overwhelms the pleasure centers for 10 minutes, then turns skin stone-gray and deadens emotions (cure: more gray cheese). 2D6 servings.
  53. Halifam the Half-hobbled: enchanted peg-leg allows one spectacular jump (as spell) per day, d6 roll required (1-5 leap succeeds, 6 peg-leg falls off).
  54. Bladder of War Juice(TM): tincture of white ape adrenal fluids and alcohol, induces battle frenzy/heart attack(5% chance).
  55. Flaegra, priestess from exotic realm: on pilgrimage of self-nullification, taking on menial/dangerous tasks such as hauling treasure, carrying torches, under oath to never use considerable powers.
  56. Spear-hole in both sides of neck, likes to smoke pipe for gruesome effect.
  57. A tiny jar of glitternight dust: Strong hallucinogen, induces violent euphoria. Fortunately also a paralytic.
  58. Syphilis. You don’t expect to live long enough to regret your heady youthfulness. -1 con +2 reflex rolls, won’t get past 50 without losing your mind.
  59. Mighty Bleena: possibly the world's strongest woman, suffered series of concussions earlier in career (still refuses to wear helmet), becomes confused in battle, 50% likely to mistakenly hammer friendlies who get close to her in melee.
  60. A pet snake.
  61. Huroo the mentally deficient yet totally bold and confident torchbearer: loincloth, torches.
  62. Cleem of the Pukarat people: two-handed sword, breechclout, a barbarian so ferociously savage and given to violence as to be a constant liability.
  63. Unbelievable number of concealed daggers (5D3).
  64. Packet of herbal virility enhancer.
  65. Forty feet of steel wire on a spindle.
  66. A bottle of mild sleeping tonic.
  67. A pouch around your neck containing a wooden likeness of your parents.
  68. An adorable piglet.
  69. A fully furnished pack mule.
  70. A really nice horse. Wow, what a handsome horse.
  71. A wax paper packet of blue dye powder.
  72. A pair of bear fur knee breeches.
  73. An elinguated eunuch warrior slave. You monster.
  74. Pot of analgesic body balm.
  75. Branded with insignia of notorious slaver, still on the wanted list. 50% hand, 50% face.
  76. A fine pair of trousers in your family’s tartan.
  77. A small sundial on a necklace.
  78. Frolees five page guide to moustaches and beards.
  79. A six inch Crystal lens.
  80. A small silver mirror.
  81. Corrective spectacles.
  82. A Ring of Luck, +1 on all saves, roll again on this list.
  83. Closed helm featuring faceplate shaped as caricature of cherubic infant face.
  84. A seven-fingered glove.
  85. A golden false eye to replace the one you lost (randomly determine which eye is missing).
  86. A copper tongue scraper.
  87. Emergency escape razor stashed in wrist wrappings.
  88. A bag of candied fruits.
  89. Pint of noxious hill giant repellent in sealed sheep's bladder
  90. A wand of eye poking. four charges. It will unerringly poke out the eye of target creature within arms reach. no roll needed.
  91. An excellent wool scarf knitted by your grandmother. Bonuses to resist cold.
  92. Unabridged History of the Slug Folk: 1000% more proper names than The Silmarillion, abundant w/tedious, highly repetitive minutiae of utterly pedestrian slug folk lives.
  93. Illuminated scroll containing abridgement of Ahknatar the Inscrutable's classic Lethal Pitfalls of Situational Ethics
  94. A live armadillo-like creature that clings tenaciously to your head, gives tactical advice, provides encouragement, sacrifices self to protect wearer from otherwise deadly blow.
  95. A small bag of uncut semi-precious stones.
  96. A dozen glow wasps in a round wire cage with handle. Equal to torch light at night. Require food and water daily.
  97. Disguise kit w/ wigs, false moustaches/beard etc.
  98. A collection of keys, hundreds of keys, of all shapes and sizes.
  99. Thick ragged scar from top of head to left heel, doesn't want to talk about it.
  100. Go to sub-table 1

Sub-table 1:

  1. Big brother’s favourite floppy hat.
  2. A large copper chamber pot.
  3. An adventurous kid has decided to become your henchman.
  4. Fake Fever Flixir; Induces flu-like symptoms for up to a week, depending on how much you drink.
  5. A scroll tube containing the deed to the Riven Tower.

A coming of age story

We're gonna live like a movie
70s grain
Bad streets and hot tops
"... and we all learnt a lot that summer."

Successor Kings, again

A follow up from the previous post. All I've done is turn that unwieldy table into an automatic generator and extended it a bit. Mainly for my own use, but I'm a kind hearted sharer. Click the link below.


You can obviously cut off bits of the name, not all the rulers have such long and messy tittles. They are characterised by a ludicrous level of pomposity and one-upmanship, brought on by generations of succession wars over an Empire that none of them really even remember that well. They are not the entirety of the left overs from the empire, but they are the ones who can't let go. War, deserts, plains, cities, successor states, squabbling over scraps.

And to pad this post, more of my reference pictures from The Empires.

The Bumptious Nomenclature of the Empires

Streets of the Emerald City

Portrait of the Invincible Overlord
The Empires, beyond the Fern Court, a land of mercenaries, Emperors, and egos. City states rise, swell and break like waves against each other, each insistent on their rightful place as inheritor of the broken Empire. If you were to catalogue all the significant actors in this farce your work would be long, thankless and entirely inaccurate by the time it was completed.

The Gate of Horn

Cities dot the land, many just rotting

Better to just appreciate the entirely ludicrous names the pretenders afford themselves.

1AbsoluteBaneAlways at the Shoulder11
2AmaranthineBaronat the Crossroads12
3BlackBaronessBestower of Good Gifts13
4DauntlessBeastCrystallizer of Dreams14
5DeathlessBestowerFirst Born15
6EndlessBishophe of Backward feet16
7EternalBringerHe Who Felled the First Tree17
8FearlessCommanderIn the Forest18
9GildedControllerIn the Mountain19
10GloriousCouncillorof a thousand stars110
11GreatCreatorof Abundance111
12GreenDespotof Ages112
13ImmortalDestroyerof Air113
14IndomitableDevourerof all114
15InfiniteDictatorof all People115
16InvincibleDispenserof all Sources of Water116
17InvulnerableDivineof All Young and Growing Things117
18LawfulDrinkerof Animals118
19LegitimateDuchessof Arcane Mysteries119
20ManifoldDukeof Artisans120
21MasterfulEarlof Ashes21
22MightyEaterof Astral Fires22
23MultitudinousEminenceOf Balance23
24One TrueEmperorof Beauty and Charm24
25OnliestEmpressof Beggars25
26PerpetualEnemyof Berries26
27ProudFatherof Berserkers27
28PurpleFeederof Birds and Parrots28
29ragingFiendof Blood29
30RedFireof Brilliance210
31RelentlessFirstbornof Cannibals211
32ResoluteFortifierof chaos212
33RightfulFriendof Children213
34UnassailableGathererof chocking moisture214
35UnbentGiverof Civilization215
36UnboundGodof Clouds216
37UnbreakableGoddessof Confusion217
38UnbrokenGuardianof Corruption218
39UnconquerableGuideof Courage219
40UnfadingGuideof Dark Magics220
41UnforgivingHammerof Darkness31
42UnmovingHarbingerof Deadly Waters32
43UnshakableHarvesterof Death33
44UntouchableHealerof Death and Rebirth34
45UnyieldingHealerof Decay35
46VeraciousHeraldof Demons36
47VoluminousHeroof Destiny37
48War-BittenInventorof discipline38
49WhiteKeeperof Disease39
50YellowKhanof Disorder310
51Kingof Dreams311
52Ladyof Earth312
53Lawgiverof Earthquakes313
54Leaderof Eloquence314
55Lionof Everlasting Worlds315
56Lordof Every Flame316
57Magnateof Evil317
58Makerof excellence318
59Margraveof Existence319
60Marshalof Famine320
61Masterof Farmers41
62Messengerof Fate42
63Ministerof fear43
64Ministerof Fertility44
65Mistressof Fever45
66Monsterof Filth46
67Motherof Fires47
68Oneof Fires of the Earth48
69Openerof Fires Under Earth49
70Overlordof Fishermen410
71Overseerof Fishes411
72Patronof Flames412
73Persecutorof Flies413
74Personificationof Food414
75Princeof Fortune415
76Princessof Frost416
77Protectorof Gamblers417
78Queenof Gambling418
79Reaverof Gluttony419
80Regentof Gods420
81Riderof Greed51
82Riderof Growth52
83Rulerof hatred53
84Rulerof Heaven54
85Seducerof Heavenly Fires55
86Shahof Hell56
87Shepherdof heroes57
88Skyof Horrors58
89Smothererof Human Sacrifice59
90Sovereignof Ice510
91Sultanof Illusion and Masquerade511
92Swordof Immortal Evils512
93Symbolof Immortal Wisdom513
94Tamerof Impurity514
95Teacherof Infants515
96Turnerof injustice516
97Vizierof Insanity517
98Warlordof Insects518
99Warriorof insolence519
100Watcherof Inventions520
of Invincible power61
of justice62
of lands63
of Languages64
of Law65
of Liars66
of Life67
of Light68
of Luck Through Hard Work69
of magic610
of Magma611
of majesty612
of Man613
of Many Names614
of Medicine615
of Men616
of Men's Fates617
of Mercy618
of Metals619
of Might620
of mischief71
of Misfortune72
of Mists73
of Monsters74
of Moons75
of Mountains76
of Nature77
of Navigation78
of Near and Close79
of Necromancers710
of Nothing711
of oaths712
of order713
of Ostentatious Ornament714
of Outcasts715
of Pain716
of Patience717
of Penitential Torture718
of Pestilence719
of Philosophy720
of Plagues81
of Plants and Trees82
of Poetry and Song83
of Poison84
of Primeval Depths85
of Primordial Waters86
of Rain87
of Reason88
of Revelry89
of Riches810
of Rivers811
of Sailors812
of Shadows813
of Silence814
of Sin815
of Sins816
of Smiths817
of Soldiers818
of Souls819
of Spiders820
of Spring and Sunlight91
of Stellar Lights92
of Storms93
of Strength94
of Suffering95
of Suicides96
of Taint97
of Terror98
of the Abyss99
of the Black Wind910
of the Blessed Lands911
of the Breath of Life912
of the Bridge913
of the Celestial Bodies914
of the Cities915
of the Clouds916
of the Coral Towers917
of the Crafts918
of the Crossroads919
of the Dawn920
of the Dead101
of the deep102
of the Desert Sun103
of the Desert Wind104
of the Dying Forests105
of the East Wind106
Of the Eight Winds107
of the Eternal Forest108
of the Eternal Sea109
of the Forest1010
of the Forest that Thirsts1011
of the Forges1012
of the Four Winds1013
of the Freezing Winds1014
of the Frozen Waste1015
of the Gallows1016
of the Gods1017
of the Harvest1018
of the Healing Arts1019
of the Heavenly Fires1020
of the Hiararchs111
of the Host112
of the Hostile113
of the Hungry Earth114
of the Hunt115
of the Iron Sceptre116
of the Lands117
of the Emerald throne118
of the Morning119
of the Mountain Springs1110
of the Night Sky1111
of the North Wind1112
of the Obsidian Blade1113
of the Ocean Underneath1114
of the Ocean's Surface1115
of the Oceans1116
of the Open Road1117
of the Plague1118
of the Pole Star1119
of the Raging Seas1120
of the rich121
of the Rock122
of the Sacred Eye123
of the Scorching Winds124
of the Skies125
of the Sky126
of the Smouldercone127
of the South Wind128
of the spheres129
of the Spring1210
of the Sun1211
of the Tablets of Destiny1212
of the Unbound Flesh1213
of the Void1214
of the wastes1215
of the Water Dead1216
of the Waves1217
of the Ways1218
of the Wells1219
of the West Wind1220
of the Wild131
of the Wildlife132
of the Winds133
of the Winter Realms134
of the World135
of the Wounding Spear136
of the Years137
of thieves138
of This World139
of Thunder and Lightning1310
of time1311
of Tremors1312
of truth1313
of turmoil1314
of tyrants1315
of Unchallenged Victory1316
of Unexpected Pleasure and Sorrow1317
of Unnatural Lust1318
of Untimely Death1319
of Vegetation1320
of Volcanic Fire141
of Volcanoes142
the Fever Moon143
of War144
of Water145
of wealth and power146
of Wind on the Waters147
of Wine148
of Winter149
of Witchcraft1410
of writing and speech1411
of Youth1412
of Youthful Vitality and Violence1413
Opener of the Wells1414
of arbitrators1415
of iron and machines1416
of merchants1417
Pivot of the Universe1418
the Master of War1419
Sky of all the People1420
of Walls151
soul of darkness152
the Adversary153
the Afterthought154
the Arbitrary155
the Armourer156
the Baleful Eye157
the Beast158
the Bloodlusting Lord159
the Bloody Mistress1510
the Boiling Spirit1511
the Breathmaker1512
the Brilliant God1513
the Broken Mind1514
the Burning Soul1515
the Collector of Souls1516
the compassionate1517
the Corn1518
the Cunning Man1519
the Dead and Undying God1520
the Destroyer161
the Divine Scribe162
the Divine Shepherd163
the Divine Smith164
the Earth Monster165
the Eater of Hearts166
the Essence of Fertility167
the Eternal Judge168
the Even Hand169
the Everburning One1610
the Evil Minded1611
the Evil Prince1612
the Evil Princess1613
the fallen1614
the Far Traveller1615
The Flame Bitten1616
the Fortifier1617
the Fountainhead1618
the Grey One1619
the Mountain Hammer1620
the Harvester171
the Heart of Darkness172
the herald173
the Hidden One174
the Howler175
the Hunger Without Thought176
the Hungry Earth177
Who Brought Down the Moon178
the Infernal Sovereign179
the Inventor of Science1710
the Key to the Gate1711
the kindly one1712
the King Above All1713
the Knotted One1714
the Lawgiver1715
the Leaflord1716
the Leech1717
the Leeching Darkness1718
the left hand of knowledge1719
the lover of war1720
the Loyal Master181
the Lurker at the Threshold182
the Lurker in the Crypt183
the Maker of Mountains184
the man eater185
the Mountain Lord186
the Narrow Faced187
the Night Hag188
the Obsidian Butterfly189
the Old, Old One1810
the once and future king1811
the one who sets boundaries1812
the Persuasive One1813
the Pillar that is Purity1814
the Pockmarked Saviour1815
the Power Perverse1816
the Queen that Hungers1817
the Rice Giver1818
the Ring Giver1819
the Sea Mother1820
the Self Created Master191
the serpent mind192
the Shadow193
the Star of the Dead194
the Stealer of Corpses195
the stillness of death196
the storm197
the Stump198
the Summer Lord199
the swamp1910
the Sword Hungry1911
the Terror of the Tomb1912
the Thrice Damned1913
the Unconquerable Sun1914
the Undeceivable1915
the Unjust1916
the Unmoving Master1917
the Unshakable1918
the Unsleeping1919
the Whirlpool1920
Turner of the Flood201
Warrior Against the Sun202
Who Confuses the Way203
Who Conquered the Sky204
Who Contains Everything205
Who Dreams206
Who Holds the Fate of All207
Who is at the Center of All Things208
Who is Crowned with Wisdom209
Who is Twisted by Jealousy2010
Who Loves not the Light2011
Who Makes Clear the Way2012
Who Mounts the Clouds2013
Who Opened the Box of Woe2014
Who Sealed the Gates of Death2015
Who Should Not Be Named2016
Who Stole the Fire2017
Who Tempers the Spirit2018
Who Waits2019
Wind of the North2020